


Only One Thing I Know For Sure (It's All Messed Up)

by Synnerxx



Series: sugar honey ice and tea [4]
Category: Slipknot (Band)
Genre: Angst, Banter, Complicated Relationships, M/M, Pining, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 21:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21308785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx
Summary: Joey and Jim go out for breakfast in the wee hours of the morning and Jim aches for things he can't have.
Relationships: Joey Jordison/Jim Root, implied Joey Jordison/Corey Taylor
Series: sugar honey ice and tea [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1479977
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	Only One Thing I Know For Sure (It's All Messed Up)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sleep_and_feel_no_pain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleep_and_feel_no_pain/gifts).

> based off of this tumblr post: "you’re sitting across from me in a shitty diner in anywhere, america, and i watch you pour too much creamer in your coffee and i think “i love you.” you look up, catching me staring, and for a moment i think i’m brave enough to say it, but i take too long and the moment passes. i take the balled up straw wrapper and flick it at you, pretending that was my plan all along. you laugh. i never want to go another day without hearing that laugh. i think i will have all the time in the world to say it." 
> 
> normally, i'd link it instead of posting it, but she's a huge biphobe and i didn't know that until after writing the fic bc i don't follow her, so like.....fuck her. she can die mad about this being used as m/m fanfic inspo, i don't care. don't want your writing shared on the internet or want it inspiring others for things you didn't intend? don't fucking post it on the internet. 
> 
> anyway. for raven bc it's all for her.

Jim follows Joey off the tour bus, yawning and rubbing his eyes. Surprisingly, they’re the only two awake right now and neither of them felt like waking the others up. 

They step up to the podium. The tired hostess smiles at them. “Just two?”

Joey nods. “Yeah, just two.” 

She leads them back to a booth tucked away in a quiet corner. Well, the place is practically empty save for them and another couple and another woman on the other side of the room. 

They sit down and she hands them their menus. “What would you like to drink?”

“Coffee.” They manage to be in unison and glance at each other, laughing softly to themselves. 

“Creamer?” She smiles. 

“Vanilla.” Joey requests, knowing Jim’s preference even if he won’t use it himself, opening his menu. 

Jim nods his agreement, flicking a smile at Joey. 

“Okay. I’ll be back with it.” She heads to the kitchen. 

Jim’s fingers stretch his ponytail holder as he looks over the menu. He startles a little when Joey reaches out and grabs it, using it to tie his own hair up. Jim blinks mildly at him. 

Joey shrugs and grins. “Forgot mine. I don’t wanna get syrup in my hair.”

Jim snorts and nods, going back to reading his menu.

Joey kicks him lightly under the table, fingers tapping. “What’re you getting?” 

“french toast slam, I think.” Jim kicks Joey back gently. 

“Mmmm, french toast sounds good. But also, chocolate chip pancakes.” Joey chews on his thumbnail, considering his options carefully. 

Jim watches him, smiling at him, glad for this stolen moment between them. It’s so rare that it’s just the two of them, even more rare that they’re getting along. 

The waitress sets their mugs down and pours their coffee, setting the bowl of creamer down in front of them. “I brought extra, just in case. Are you guys ready to order?”

Joey nods and gestures for Jim to go ahead. 

“I’ll take the french toast slam. Scrambled eggs and sausage. Hash browns too.” Jim hands her his menu. 

She doesn’t write it down, an order too easy for her. She looks at Joey. “And for you, sir?” 

“The pancake breakfast. Over easy eggs. Bacon. Chocolate chip pancakes, please.” Joey passes her his menu as well. 

She nods. “Got it. I’ll have it out shortly for you.”

“Thanks.” They say once more in unison. 

She heads back to the kitchen. 

Jim grabs some of the creamer and sugar, shaking the little cups and dumping them into his coffee. Joey makes a face at his mug. “That’s way too much creamer.”

Jim grins, stirring sugar into his cup. “I like it.”

“It’s more creamer than coffee at this point.” Joey finishes stirring his two packets of sugar into his own coffee and takes a drink of it. 

Jim looks up at Joey and suddenly the words “I love you” are on the tip of his tongue. He almost says them to Joey, breath catching in his throat. 

Joey raises an eyebrow at him. “What?”

Jim shakes his head, the moment gone, the words swallowed. “Nothing.” He opens the straw and sticks it into the glass of ice water that the waitress had brought with their coffee. He flicks the paper at Joey, watching it bounce off his forehead. 

Joey pouts, grabbing the paper ball, flicking it back at Jim. “So rude.”

Jim lets it bounce off his chest and smiles again. “I win.”

Joey laughs and again, Jim can’t seem to remember how to make his lungs work. He stares at Joey, those three words dancing on the tip of his tongue once more. His heart stutters in his chest and he wants so badly to say them to Joey in this stupid iHop in the middle of nowhere. He wants to reach across the table and hold Joey’s hand, feel its warmth in his own. He wants to kiss Joey’s mouth and taste his smile, but then the moment is gone and the waitress is sitting their food down in front of them. 

_Next time._ Jim promises himself silently, nodding and thanking their waitress. He sprinkles salt and pepper over his eggs and hash browns and doesn’t risk looking again at Joey for a moment. 

He spreads out the butter over his french toast and reaches for the syrup, fingers brushing Joey’s as Joey reaches for it too. He drops his hand, waiting until Joey is done. His face feels hot and he hates that a simple touch like that has his heart pounding again. 

Joey glances at him as he passes him the bottle of syrup. “Are you okay? You look flushed.”

There’s so many things Jim wants to say. So many things he should say. He wants to beg Joey to be with him. Tell him that they can forget Corey and just be happy together. He wants to tell Joey that they can work out all the bad blood between them, that it’s not too late. They can be what they were always meant to be. 

He doesn’t say any of that. He just nods and takes the syrup, pouring it over his french toast. “I’m okay.” 

Joey’s busy shoveling bacon into his mouth and washing it down with a swig of his coffee. “Don’t forget we need to get Craig a to go order of pancakes. It’s my day to get him pancakes.”

“Yeah.” Jim eats his hash browns, wiping at the grease on his lips. 

He watches Joey eat across the table and wants so badly to tell him he loves him. His throat aches with the effort of holding the words in. His lips tremble with the need to explain to Joey that they can be happy together if they only try. And they can try. He’s so in love with Joey that he feels like he will burst with it as he keeps watching Joey eat. 

All too soon, they’re pushing their plates away to the side for the waitress to get. She comes by and pours them more coffee, collecting their dishes. Joey places a to go order for Craig, a short stack of pancakes. It’s his day to get Craig’s pancakes. 

Jim cups his hands around his warm mug, sipping his coffee while they wait. Once more, the words “I love you” are there on his tongue, pushing against his teeth, wanting to spill over his lips, but all he can do is stare at Joey in the fluorescent light of the diner. Joey stirs more sugar into his coffee and smiles at Jim. “What? Something on my face?”

Jim shakes his head, not trusting himself to speak. He washes the words down with more coffee and pretends he isn’t aching with the need to say them. Joey will not choose him over Corey. He knows how this story ends. He doesn’t get the happily ever after with Joey, no matter how much he wants it, no matter how long he has wanted it. He’s been in love with Joey for so long that sometimes he forgets that he is. When the anger and resentment bubbles over and clouds how much he really does love Joey, the moments when the love shines through take him by surprise. With this album cycle and tour, they’ve gotten so much closer than they have in recent years. 

He remembers why he fell for Joey in the first place. He remembers why he wants to tell Joey he loves him and why he wants to beg him to be with him, remembers why they could be happy together without Corey. 

But he doesn’t say that. Maybe someday he’ll be brave enough in another iHop in the middle of nowhere, but he isn’t here and now. He watches Joey pay for the food and grab the bag, sliding out of the booth.

Joey holds the door for him and he steps out into the parking lot, heading for the bus. He’s opening the door, Joey right behind him, when he abruptly turns around to look at Joey. Joey blinks at him, opening his mouth to say something, but Jim doesn't give him the chance. 

He pulls Joey into a kiss, soft and sweet and full of all the things he wants to say. _I love you._

_Please be with me._

_Pick me._

_Choose me._

_Love me._

_I love you._

He pours it all into the kiss, hoping Joey understands somehow. He lets it linger for a long moment, drawing it out, never wanting it to end. But it does and he lets go of Joey, fingers brushing over his cheek softly. Joey looks dazed, one hand reaching up to touch his lips.

He turns back to the bus with tears blurring his vision, quickly crawling into his bunk and pulling the curtain shut.

Joey gets back onto the bus slowly, leaving the bag for Craig out. He pauses for a long moment by Jim’s bunk, straining to hear anything. There’s a soft, muffled sniffle from within and his heart breaks at the thought of Jim crying. 

He doesn’t know what to do and so he gets into his own bunk and doesn’t do anything.


End file.
